No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
In America we eat man semen.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
