yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize