I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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