i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
