tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
