what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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