And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
