i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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