You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
