this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
