I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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