Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
