so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize