I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
