Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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