I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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