just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
