Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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