I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
