I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
