You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
