chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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