She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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