i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
