we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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