The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
