I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
