Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize