Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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