She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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