New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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