his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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