Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
