Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
