mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
