the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
