Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
