my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
