a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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