I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i barfeds in our rink
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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