The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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