I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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