I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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