bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
