At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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