Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
