I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
