mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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