I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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