lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
