..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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