Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
