Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
