just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
