Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
