you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
