so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
