I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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