yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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