Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
