If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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