yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
