Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we're making bets on your personal life
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
