So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
