I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
