There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish you could order shots online.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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