As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
