never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's always time for handjobs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
