Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Your dad touched me again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
