Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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