i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
