five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
