last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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