her vagine was all disorganized.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
