A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
