Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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