Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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