guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
