I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
