New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
