allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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