I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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