Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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