...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
