I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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