and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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