Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
