oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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