i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
