Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
